By TOYIN IDOWU
Trust is defined as the reliance on the integrity, strength and ability of a person. It is a sort of confidence you place on someone dear to you because you believe he or she will always be sincere with you in whatever is being said, watch your back, will not cheat on you and will always be there for you. This equally means you are honest with the other person in the relationship; you are reliable, responsible and dependable.
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There are times when relationships are devoid of this element called trust perhaps, based on previous experiences from the past relationships. People do this a lot in order to prevent history repeating itself in their lives. More often than not, lack of trust has got nothing to do with peoples’ past experiences but based on what they have heard other people went through. I have heard a lot of people express lack of trust in the opposite sex yet they never dated anyone or at best, in one very complicated relationship and they end up using that to conclude for everybody in the world. Does that make sense? Yes, it is okay to safeguard ourselves from getting hurt, but then, I think people over do things in their analysis which only result in pushing the other person away.
Trust is an integral part of any thriving relationship. Without trust, it’s hard to get close to the other person and to rely on him or her for support. This happens mostly when we import most of our excess baggage from previous hurt into our next relationship, it does much harm than what we seek to prevent, most especially with someone who really want to be serious with us. It is very important that people are different and there is no law that states that you will definitely continue to experience what you did in your last two or three relationships, so let us put aside the common blunder that all men are dogs and all women are only money freak!
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Look at a situation where you meet someone who is very open by nature (which you might not have noticed). Such a person would also naturally desire to have an open person without necessarily expecting you to share every little detail of your life with him or her if it feels uncomfortable at a certain stage. At the same time not a person with a façade that gives a funny impression. Reasonable people want people who will make them part of their lives and treat them without any form of preconceived notion of what men or women are like. When you get into a relationship, make judgments based on your experience with that individual because it doesn’t make sense to connect your messed up experience with that person. Good men and women still exist out there in large number.
Irrespective of where you are coming from, nobody can build any meaningful relationship without the foundation of trust. It is very crucial. Lack of trust would involve second guessing and not believing each other. It will also involve betrayal, suspicion and fanatically checking on the other person with the intention to confirm suspicion. If you are with someone that broke your trust, point it out and let it be sorted out between the two of you and life continues. If he or she manifests the same trait again, then, there is every possibility such an individual may just not be right for you so you move on. However, it will be dangerous to now see the next guy or lady in the light of this other person you broke up with. Give people benefit of doubt.
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Before you get into marriage, make sure that your significant other is a trustworthy one. Just like respect, trust is something you must identify that he or she has earned. This is because presence or lack of trust in a relationship cannot be ignored at any point in time and that is the more reason why trust must be established and sustained before marriage takes place if not, there will be a disastrous future. Trust floods every aspect of marriage – sex, in-laws, finances, intimacy, communication, respect, love etc.
One good thing about marriage is that it makes us completely exposed to our spouses which may not happen with another person. Although, there are times we get let down by our spouses in marriage and vice versa whether we intend to or not because we are human, but by and large, marriage presents us with an exclusive platform to share who we really are with our spouses. But while dating, it is important to know someone is trustworthy before you share your deepest, innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences with him or her. Some discussions are foundational in helping each party to decide if they are meant for one another but while at it, discretion is important in disclosure because you are likely to be deeply pained if who you are considering for marriage ends up not being the person. But in marriage, you can’t nurse this type of fear in that you are aware already that both of you will hurt each other at some point, and this gives allowance for quick forgiveness and moving on.
I am of the opinion that transparency in marriage keeps both people in check and so I suggest partners should be trustworthy enough to be able to access confidential information like email accounts, phones, ATMs etc when the need arises. This does not actually mean you should begin an undercover work on each other but this practice makes us more and responsible and focused
Again, trust is so fundamental to the sustenance of a relationship, but if you feel your partner is not trustworthy, then ask yourself, is this the best I can come up with for my future? You are the only one that can decide if the issue is a major red flag to saying bye-bye or just a human factor or error that you can overlook. Trust is such an important element to a happy marriage. It is knitted into every aspect of the relationship, which is why it is something that should be expected, valued and protected. Trust is a must in relationships.
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