By TOYIN IDOWU
On 31st March 2015, a 55 year old man named Peter Godsday Orubebe serving as a polling agent for the People’s Democratic Party, made frantic attempt to disorganise the proceedings of the 2015 presidential election collation over some issues he was aggrieved at during the presidential election. The situation was so embarrassing that it took few minutes for the news to spread all over the world. However, while people were busy taunting him and making mockery of the whole situation, one key thing kept coming to my mind and that was his wife and children! How do they cope with him? I tried to imagine what the wife especially, has been coping with all along as a result of this demented act. My thought gravitated towards other ladies in marriage and courtship who have this type of men in their lives. Only God knows the type of emotional wreckage they could have experienced just because the men in their lives don’t have their tempers under control. This precipitated my decision to look into this type of personality and come up with somethings to help our ladies because if you are caught in marriage with such a guy, the most appropriate thing to do from the onset is to learn to manage him.
It became so interesting when Wikipedia updated his profile and it became a word to reckon with online. Now, Orubebe means to rudely interrupt an important meeting, throwing tantrums like a little kid which may attract scolding from a mature and wiser adult. Please, who does this if not a short-tempered man? More often than not, many ladies have found out they are hooked with a man with temper tantrums as this Orubebe being described here. One thing is that the guy didn’t start when he got into relationship with you but majorly a foundational thing from childhood and you can be assured that you won’t be able to change him, at least in the early years of your relationship. There are quite a lot of traits that a man exhibits which could indicate how he will treat you in the relationship. However, it becomes a sort of concern that most ladies focus on less important things such as his bank account, cars, dress sense, how good he is in bed, how romantic and all those things but practically ignore how such deals with his anger.
Yes, the Orubebe kind of man practically means a short-tempered man who is quickly moved to anger and irascible. But this is not only referring to a man who is violent or abusive, we can equally consider a man that overreacts to a situation when he is angry which may not necessarily come with violence or usage of strong words. For example, if your husband starves you of sex just because you made him go late for his appointment or your fiancé ignores you for days because you kept him waiting for an outing or yells at you during an argument that is supposed to be constructive, that is an overreaction. In this write up, we will quickly take a look at the tell-tale signs of men with the Orubebe kind of temper and then see how we can manage them in our affairs.
Your man is Orubebe-like in temperament if he is:
Ø Mostly impatient
Ø Easily moved to anger
Ø Quick to blame people around for his issues, especially you, his wife
Ø Not keeping his reaction under check when things don’t go his way. Most times, not because of integrity but just an anger problem.
Ø Getting angry and displays his tantrums now and then the next minute, he has gotten over it
Ø Being avoided by people around him because of his rage
Ø Very sensitive to opposing views to the point that his partner tip-toes around him in order not to get him upset
Ø In extreme cases, being shielded away from delicate items
Ø Extremely jealous and a control freak
Ø Having unrealistic expectations from you. For example, he expects you to be the perfect woman that would meet every of his needs
If any of the above ten points sound like your man, then let’s talk about how you can manage him. Kindly note that not all short-tempered people are dysfunctional. Most of the times it is a sign of their energetic personalities. Such a man may be attractive when he’s in a good mood, but his weakness will rob a woman of her self-esteem and beauty.
Let Patience Be Your Second Nature
I understand the difficulty in accepting and understanding an orubebe kind of man but then, you have got to do what you need to do in order to secure your home and help your man get better. You can’t be hasty in emotions just the same way your hubby is, that will spoil a lot of things in your relationship. Being calm and patient will not only prevent frequent tension, but will equally caution him to start learning from you. In as much as it lies in your power, avoid giving your hubby room to let his negative attitudes dictate your actions.
Always Withdraw To While Away Time
Like I mentioned above, one of the characteristics of an ill-tempered man is that he cools down fast as much as he rages with anger. If you have been able to understand this, all you need to do is just to discipline yourself to always withdraw from the scene or from reacting to enable you buy time. Before you know it, his emotions have waned and then you can tactically pick it up from there to articulate your concerns. Most times, he is usually the one that warms up to you’ then you can use the opportunity to send in your message. But this may not be every time.
Avoid Reacting To Trivial Issues
A short-tempered person flares up over every petty and stupid issue like being stuck in traffic, trying to locate an address or a misplaced item, unpalatable meal etc. Someone who has his temper under check could just overlook or make a remark and move on but for your orubebe kind of man, that’s more than enough reason to turn the world upside down and create tension around him. Even if he has done something that sincerely warrant you bursting out, the best way to handle him most times is just not to react at all because at times, your reaction could eventually be what could trigger off the anger more.
Don’t forget that when your hubby gets angry, he’s already enrolled on a short fuse which has the tendency of gravitating from petty issue to a bigger one if you are not careful. At this point, your best bet is to sensibly show your concern and understanding on whatever could have been the matter even though his rage is uncalled for. Avoid trying to make him see things from another perspective to shift his position. No amount of explanation can make him reason with you, rather, it will only degenerate to stronger argument.
Talk To Him About It
When your man vents his anger on you repeatedly and displays some nasty behaviour, it has a way of affecting your self-esteem and making you feel unsafe around him even though he keeps apologising. Don’t get deceived by that action of his, you don’t have to always receive him with arms open wide each time but try and verbalise your disgust. This will put him in check and prevent him from getting used to this trick time and again knowing fully well that he can find his way into your warm embrace simply by saying sorry. Let him know you are being hurt!
Encourage Him To Seek Help
Respectfully encourage him to seek help from seasoned counsellors and psychologists. Quite a number of orubebe husbands don’t even know that they need help. They don’t even see it as a problem in the first place but you can help to make him realise this and talk him to seeking help. The danger it possesses to health for example could be used to buttress your point.
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