By TOYIN IDOWU
I want to dedicate this week’s edition to addressing the married couples on the subject of pornography which has become lurid in a lot of homes. Although, quite a number of people that have been involved in porn materials claim that it helps them spice up their sexual lives in marriage. No other reasons has been given apart from this but the truth is that the disadvantages to marriage obviously outweigh any advantage you could ever think of. So what the heck?
Pornography is identified as any sexually explicit materials like films, magazines, writings, photographs or other materials that are sexually explicit and intended to cause sexual arousal.
According to science, pornography trains brains to release more endorphins than normal in response to an overload of sexual stimuli. After a while, depending on how long the brains have been on pornography, they develop a need for higher dose in order to achieve the same arousal. This apparently leads to more hardcore porn and higher quantities of it with longer period of time expended on it. It does not only limit your ability to become aroused at all, but also can limit your dopamine receptors in general, causing you to become more anxious, less social, and perhaps depressed.
Moreover, the younger you were when you began watching pornography, the worse the effects would be on you. For the married, which is what I am concentrating on here, it may seem helpful even now, but trust me, couples who are into pornography have a price to pay for their casual acceptance of it. You and your spouse will be on a safer side if you decide to go on steadily with the spontaneity of sex.
Below are six reasons why I would not encourage couples to go into pornography for any reason:
*Pornography warps your attitudes and values! It has a dramatic effect on how you view women, sexual abuse, and sex in general. It also makes you develop appetite for more deviant and bizarre type of pornography which has the tendency to make you lack confidence in your marriage. It gives you the impression that sex is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage. If you get into pornography for too long, there is every tendency for you to begin to see women as valueless, ordinary tool to be used anytime to satisfy one’s lust and not respected. It skews your perception of what beauty is and gives you unreasonable standards for sex with your wife or husband.
*Porn destroys major sex life! Studies and observations have shown that viewing pornography at regular intervals diminishes couples’ attraction to and satisfaction with their real-life partners. What happens majorly here is that when a partner stays long on pornography, the attention and attraction is shifted from his or her real life partner to the porn materials most especially if such gets aroused on time from the materials. Repeated exposure to pornography not only results in a diminished sexual arousal but also a decreased satisfaction with the partner and the sexuality. Medically speaking, prolactin is one of the chemicals that flows after lovemaking and leaves us contented and more attached to our partner but this could be inhibited where pornography is a lifestyle. Pornography doesn’t satisfy!
*Pornography has a way of encouraging extra marital affairs! The reason is that when couples, especially the man, gets into pornography, his expectations become very high and unrealistic in the bedroom forgetting the fact that things were not really the way they seemed in the material he’s been addicted to. Let it be known that the actors and actresses in pornography are paid to create an aura of enjoyment and satisfaction even when it is not pleasant leading to the assumption that merely walking into a room could automatically spark off something. Quite a number are on drugs and surgically enhanced to boost their performances, so it becomes worse when his partner wouldn’t be able to live up to his wild expectations in order to fulfil his insatiable crave. Following this through in your marriage will definitely cause frustration and push you out to try another object out of marriage for variety.
*Addiction! The experience of sexual arousal can be intense with pornography, and as a result, an addiction can be so easily formed. Always trying to get “another fix” reinforces a habit that becomes tough to conquer. Some people get addicted to pornography due to the fact that after a certain period of consistent porn usage, they have a hard time getting away from it because they compare it to real life encounters and always feel let down so they have got no choice than to fall back on porn images as respite. Some years ago, Victor B. Cline of University of California carried out a study on 932 sex addicts in America and found out that 90% men and 77% women reported that porn was significant for their addiction. Another disadvantage of pornography under Addiction is that it could cause financial burden on an individual or the couple. This can be true for anything in life though.
*It Destroys Intimacy! Within the context of marriage, sex is one of the awesome ways for couples to connect emotionally and physically. It has the ability to provide true intimacy, joy, and sexual satisfaction! Husbands who are into porn keep their addiction a secret from their wives and vice versa. Over a period of time, the results are guilt and isolation because he or she retreats emotionally and finds himself or herself in a vacuum because intimacy being shared with each other has been lost and discovered that pornography initially excites but doesn’t sustain.
Moreover, it makes your spouse to withdraw from your relationship because he receives instant gratification from his pornographic activities. Especially when couples have misunderstanding with one another, the one on porn lifestyle might not make any substantial effort to resolve it on time due to the fact that either of the partners already have something to fall back on. This attitude could make it difficult for either party to see sex as a loving form of communication.
*Pornography crashes your self-esteem as a woman! We all know how important your self-esteem as a woman is but when your husband views porn, you may feel disrespected, take it personal and believe that you aren’t good enough for him or begin to heap unnecessary blame on yourself. This can create a serious hassle in your marriage.
Please join me next week Thursday as I share with you signs that depict your partner could be porn addicted. Thank you.
Read more relationship write-ups and interviews on www.toyinidowu.blogspot.com
Editor’s note – Reality with Toyin Idowu is available every Thursday on Expressng.com