Many people, in search of true love have confused and mis-interpreted it to be another thing. And in search of this true love, they set themselves up for heart-aches, disappointments and tragic miscalculations because they lack understanding of what love is in the actual sense. This week, we will seek to put love in the proper perspective.
What is love? The first thing I would like us to understand is that love is stronger and really goes beyond our feelings. As a matter of fact, any form of love that starts and stops at the level of your feeling is not sustainable. Real love is when the happiness, health and spiritual growth of another person is as important to us as ours. In other words, it is a concern for the welfare of someone without any desire to control that person or demand for it in return. It is simply sacrifice!
Love is not the same as lust. Lust is a strong or uncontrolled desire for sex. It is based solely on physical attraction and fantasies which mostly dissipates once the real person shows off because at the initial stage, it’s all a perfect and a no-wrong individual you were seeing. Lust takes but love gives; lust uses but love values; lust seeks immediate gratification but love endures.
There are three forms of love I would want to mention before we discuss love and infatuation. This will aid our knowledge of love and infatuation better.
- Love if…
This kind of love is given or received when certain conditions are met. This means you must do something to be able to earn this type of love which would be in exchange for what the lover wants. It has strings attached and a lot of effort goes into it to be able to sustain it. For example, this type of love in the subconscious says things like; if you dress well, I will love you; I will love you, if you have sex with me; If you behave in a particular manner, I will love you etc. Are you familiar with any of these lines?
- Love Because…
You receive this type of love because of who you are or what you do. It could happen because of your beauty, strong financial base, fame, eloquence etc. This form of love, likewise the one above is not equally sustainable. If that is why someone loves you or you love someone, it is just going to be a temporary thing and the reason is not far-fetched. What happens if you happen to lose any of the reasons why you were loved? Or what happens when someone with better displayed qualities eventually shows up?
- Love Period!
Though I am of the opinion that something must have appealed to him or her before you got registered on his or her mind but at the same time, this type of love is with no condition. Irrespective of what you have or don’t have, the love is just there. This type of love knows a lot about your weaknesses and shortcomings but was never interested in letting go rather, it prefers sticking by you to make things work. It will equally be safer to say this type of love thrive on shared core values.
Now, what is infatuation? Infatuation is a fascination with an intense interest and emotion in someone else, especially of the opposite sex for a short time. It leaves you breathless and light headed….a thoroughly me-centred experience. Most of what we refer to as love at first sight fall into this category and you can actually test if really it’s infatuation by the time frame. Usually, it takes an average of five or six months for infatuation to fade off. If it goes beyond this and the feeling is still there, you may need to start paying attention to what you have got just in case it could be the real thing.
The differences between love and infatuation cannot be over emphasised. Let’s check on the table below:
I want to believe that from here on, some lights have been shed on some confusing areas as far as true love is concerned. What sort of relationship are you having? Can you assess yourself in all sincerity to determine where you are? Deliver yourself from the manipulations, headaches, stress and disrespect and look into the proper meaning of love if that is what you are actually experiencing or it’s another thing. This is very important. #RealityWithTID
Keep a date with the author every Thursday on Reality with Toyin Idowu on ExpressNG Follow him twitter on @ThoyinIdowu Or visit www.toyinidowu.blogspot.com