Home / Relationships / Six Popular Causes Of Stress In Relationships And How To Deal With Them #RealitywithTID
By on July 30, 2015
By TOYIN IDOWU
Stress is anything that puts you under pressure unduly, making you feel uncomfortable and threatened. In our various relationships, we often encounter situations and circumstances that tend to give us pressure but keep us going for good. Examples could be family relocation, coping with change of job or promotion for one of the spouses, the birth of a baby and so on. But when we encounter situations that upset our balance and undermine our physical and emotional well being, then such is not good for us. The irony of this is that some of us are into things that cause stress for us in our relationships but we are oblivious of them because our focus is on another thing yet our efficiency and productivity in our relationships are being limited by these things. We shall be talking about these things this week because if we are smart enough, these issues could be worked on and give us a lot of relief in our relationships.
- Differences in Upbringing. When two people come together in a relationship especially marriage, they come in with different outlooks to life in general as a result of their upbringing and this is bound to cause tension among them initially. Majority of the issues we encounter in our relationships could be traced to this; she was brought up to eat out most times but he was a highly domesticated person. He is used to eating food freshly prepared but she is used to cooking for a month and storing in the freezer. She was brought up to know that a good marriage is when a man can provide absolutely for the needs of the family but to him, marriage is a joint venture. He eats with average of three pieces of meat per meal but she wasn’t brought up with that luxury…the list is endless! When couples are not careful with themselves, these differences would import stress into their marriages and make them start focusing on less important things and before they know it, it would rock the boat of their relationship. It is always advisable for couples to first show understanding for each other on where each is coming from and secondly be patient with one another over the years while they seek to establish and get used to their own way of doing things not from what they are both used to but what works for them. However, that doesn’t mean that they can’t find equilibrium based on what their backgrounds already tossed on them.
- Finance. Any day, anytime, finance will always cause stress in relationships where the partners involved have not designed a system that works for them either consciously or unconsciously. This has got nothing to do with its inadequacy due to the fact that we have discovered that where couples have more than enough to go for them, they still get stressed up and argue over money because one of the parties is trying to be funny with the finance. When couples don’t have a definite plan on what comes in and goes out, when either of the party is not straight forward with the laid down arrangement or a wrong pattern of spending is not curtailed, couples will always have issues with each other. This could be avoided if couples try and identify what works for them in terms of spending pattern and keep to it. It should be noted also that when a habit of openness is cultivated with each other the stress is also reduced. Joint account? This may not really mean joint bank accounts. It’s rather about a believe system that we both own our money and we are accountable to spend and grow it. I have seen a lot of couples with joint bank accounts yet each still keep separate accounts unknown to each other. That’s stress and irresponsible style in itself.
- Sickness. No matter how blissful a relationship is, if one of the partners is always falling sick and going in and out of the hospital, it’s a whole lot of stress on that marriage. They both can’t think straight and it will definitely have impact on their emotional and financial state. The way our body is built, it is designed to heal itself if we live right e.g exercising and eating right. It is imperative that couples try their best to live and eat right to be able to boost their immune systems against diseases.
- Annoying Lifestyle. There is nobody that comes into marriage absolutely a perfect man or woman but what we do is that we tend to grow and shelve some things along the way. However, if few years down the line one of the partners is still clinging to some of the old habits; it gets to a point whereby the stress will be telling on the partner. Lifestyle of drunkenness, adultery, abuse and so on would bring frustrations into the relationship. Most times, when the partner at the receiving end is pushed to the wall, he or she tends to withdraw or call it quits. You will do well to work on your lifestyle in such a way that it will not put pressure on the other person.
- Unnecessary family interference. Families are very good to have. Without our families, we may not be where we are today. But some family members are just too difficult to go by especially among the not well-read Africans; they claim ownership that is not theirs, cross the line at the slightest opportunity and do a lot of unimaginable things. These acts and many others distract couples from focusing on each other and if care is not taken, the stress could go out of hand and tear them apart. It is worthy of note that the work begins even right before you get married. Let your folks understand what you stand for rather than tagging along with them till you get married and they start making wrong assumptions that your partner has influenced you. It could be a tough one convincing them it’s not true. If you are a mummy’s boy, do well to grow up. And to both parties, always let your families understand that there is always a boundary no other person crosses as far as your family is concerned.
- Lack of Trust. Trust is a very essential ingredient in any relationship. It is the reliance on the integrity, strength and ability of a person. It is a sort of confidence you place on someone dear to you who you believe will always be sincere with you in whatever is being said, watch your back, will not cheat on you and will always be there for you. Lack of trust perhaps due to some occurrences in the past or from previous relationships would always pose trouble in your relationship because it means one would have to always go through the stress of double checking and be unnecessarily careful about what is being done and said. The way to go about this is not to even go into relationships with someone you have issue of trust with in the first place and never import your old baggage into your present relationship.
Keep a date with the author every Thursday on Reality with Toyin Idowu on ExpressNG Follow him on twitter @ThoyinIdowu Or visit www.toyinidowu.blogspot.com
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