In marriage and in life generally, there is no perfect individual. We are trying on daily basis to upgrade ourselves so that we can be more productive for ourselves, families and the nation at large. Where I am strong, you could be weak and on the other way round, you could be strong where I am weak but we endeavor to mop up things. However, this does not mean that when it comes to marriage, just anybody could cling to you especially ladies who are mostly at the receiving end. Despite the fact that we all have our flaws, I still believe that there are some people you have to be wary of depending on the kind of journey you are making in life as a lady.
The first type of guy every serious lady should beware of is the guy that has got no respect for his parents, especially his mother. If he treats his mother like a piece of wood, definitely he doesn’t value womanhood and no matter how you try to please such a guy, to him, women are still nothing but necessary evil so it will still bounce on you. When you spot such a guy, distance yourself from him. There is no way a guy that shouts at his mother or constantly talks her down will respect you as his wife. With such a guy, women are not to be heard or seen; rather they must always occupy their underground territory.
If he doesn’t value his parents, it means he doesn’t value the family system and he won’t be a good husband to you and a good father to your children let alone a role model. They don’t get to fulfill their family obligations like feeding allowance and the kids’ education is not much of a priority to them. They are no good listeners and as far as they are concerned, the family is a secondary and a by-the way institution. They don’t feel they are accountable to their wives and children neither do they think they have any need to leave a legacy for their children. Though quite a number of them do place their children above their wives as a matter of importance.
The second type of guy in this category is the sexually promiscuous. You know him when you see him because he keeps pestering you for sex, he threatens to go out and have sex with other ladies should you refuse him and he is actually doing it. He avoids you and keeps malice with you for days should you decline his sexual advances, some even batter you because of that. He has records of sexual escapades with ladies all around the corners and you know it. His hands are never clean because there must be something controversial with him per time in terms of cheating.
Hey, I’m not talking about a situation where the guy is just tempted to ask for sex from you neither am I talking about a situation where he is just having a natural urge to have sex which every guy has right to anyway but I am analysing a situation whereby the guy’s appetite for sex is more or less out of control. When he wants sex, he wants it by all means! It’s a habit that needs to be broken from him. From such beware because they don’t give it up in a jiffy.
Please get this clear; marriage doesn’t take away infidelity from any man that is used to it. It’s going to be a great issue for any man in marriage who didn’t deal with the fundamental issue of self control before marriage. Even in marriage, there is no absolute freedom of sex so if he can’t deal with it now before marriage, definitely, he won’t be able to handle it in marriage. There will be times you may not be able to surrender your body; like when you take in and the doctor says no sex till the end of your 2nd trimester because of the safety of the baby, when you put to bed and you are not ready for sex until 8 weeks after delivery and either of you could have to be out of town for some weeks. What happens in between? He grabs the house help or your sister staying with you?
Third in this category is a guy that is just nice to you and those in your cycle alone! Why should a guy be interested in you alone? Why would he want to be nice to you alone? Why would he take delight in helping only you but when others come for help, he gives excuses? It’s tough for him to give colleagues a ride after work, after religious gathering or stay back for few minutes to give a helping hand to a neighbor with a deflated tyre. He can’t tolerate any form of inconvenience to help out in any way but should you be the one in need of anything, he would run from pillar to post to get you sorted out. I don’t expect you to be deceived by this attitude. Looking critically into the life of such a guy, he is likely to be greedy, self-centered and shady in character.
The fourth type of guy you need to probably shun is the one with no focus and vision in life. When God created man and wanted to give him a companion, he saw a need for that helper in man first. Now, the question is that what would you be doing when the guy you are expected to help doesn’t know he needs a helping hand? Apparently, you have become a square peg in a round hole. If you are on a standby, available to give a helping hand and the guy says he has got nothing at hand to require anybody’s help, or he is simply oblivious of where he is going in life, then you have got no choice other than to be distracted by another thing not carved out for you. Every man has a unique need otherwise known as vision or assignment that requires a woman peculiar to him and his need. And inside of this assignment otherwise known as the vision lies your own fulfillment. Don’t joke with it. If the guy doesn’t provide you with the substance (the vision) for your own input, then it’s totally a mere waste of time.
When a guy is abusive or has tendency to be, it’s a very strong sign that you should reconsider your relationship with him. I know much has been said about this but I just want to let you know that staying with a guy that physically abuses you is quite risky. It doesn’t matter how many times he has angrily threatened to hit you and he became sorry neither is it of any importance how many times he got you flowers and knelt down to apologise after hitting you. Babe, your life is worth more than sticking your head in that type of relationship. Please get out of that mess immediately and completely.
The last on the list is the guy that is not matured. When a guy is not matured, he sees things differently and his approach to life is somewhat odd. When a guy comes into your life, the most important and crucial job he has to do is to build up your self esteem and prove himself to you that he is capable of making you a better person by giving you a sense of security. However, an immature mind lacks the wherewithal of achieving these. He sees women as not really important but necessary evil. Such a man lacks self-confidence and control, never courageous to own up when he messes up, can’t say sorry but rather avoid you or keep malice with you. When there is a misunderstanding, he seldom has control over his emotion. If he doesn’t beat you up, he would have used very strong words to wound your soul. He is unnecessarily possessive of you due to his low self-esteem. He questions every of your telephone conversations and is never comfortable with every male figure he sees around you.
I don’t care, he must have left the university with first class, he could be 37 years old and even one of the top-notch managers in his office, but let him voice out his thoughts on some sensitive and salient issues in life, you will mistake him for a 15 year old boy! From such, beware!
‘Toyin Idowu is passionate about relationships and he blogs at www.toyinidowu.blogspot.comFollow on twitter @ThoyinIdowu
